Decisions, decisions

That there is started to be so much to absorb, so much change, that I am starting to feel overloaded and beginning to shut down. Though it is understandable, I feel that if I can work through this and re-engage, there is growth available to me on this trip. 

So perhaps now is a good time to see what in me is saying, "Enough!" and why I don't want to push past that. Not that I have an answer...

For example, this morning, we all gathered for breakfast, each arriving in our own time, until at some random moment, we were all there. I knew that I wanted to get green juice and get going to the Casa, but instead got into a great, fun conversation with a subgroup. For some reason, I couldn't pull myself away from it, as much as I knew, deep inside, that I needed for myself to sit at the Casa. 

One by one, or two by two, people peeled away to do crystal baths, shop, go to the waterfall, or do whatever called them. Only three of us remained in that conversation when I finally and reluctantly pulled myself away. By then, it was 11 a.m. I still hadn't had my breakfast (green juice), so I walked to Fruitti's, with the intention of sitting down, mindfully drinking my juice, then going to the Casa.

At Frutti's, I ran into two women from my group. They had been shopping and raving about their purchases. I wasn't pulled to go shopping, but they were going on and on about the beautiful crystals at a store just down the street, and saying things like, "Get them now. When will you be back?" and "The prices are so much better than in the States." Against my better judgement, I decided, well, it is worth a look. I knew I wouldn't go on my own, so maybe I should go now, with them.

This is a tiny town, at least, our part of it. The road is paved, but barely. The side streets are dirt. Beautiful, red dirt, but dirt. The road itself is wide enough for two small cars and about two people walking. There are a few places on the street to shop, a few to eat, and a few pousdas (little hotels). It takes me less than five minutes to walk, at a slow pace, from one end of the street to the other. That is it.

We passed only a few storefronts before we came to one crystal store. Sure, the crystals were beautiful, but I wasn't pulled to buy anything. I saw some earrings - hmmm, maybe these? Then I realized that I was buying just to buy, not because it was something I really wanted. I left the earrings there.

We went to another store and by then, I had broken down and bought a few things. When I left, I didn't feel great about my few purchases. Sure, they are nice, but not really anything I wanted or needed. 

We returned to our pousada for lunch and I recommitted myself to figuring out why on earth I couldn't get myself to the Casa. Or, if I couldn't figure it out, just DO it.

After lunch, I went with four other women to the waterfall. There was a long line and we were waiting for a long time, possibly an hour or more. I didn't time it; that would make me crazy. I found myself slipping into old habits that make me crazy in other ways. For example, there were 24 women and six men in front of us. (You go there in groups, usually with your own gender.) I could not see the waterfall, but I could hear it, and I focused on listening to discern when someone was under the falls, and counting that, hoping they were moving along so we could get our turn. Or I would calculate, if there are 30 people ahead of us and each person takes their allotted five minutes, how long would we be waiting here?

I was getting annoyed with the folks in front of us for seemingly taking so long and resentful of having to wait my turn. I didn't like the way all that made me feel.

So, I used all that time waiting to help myself work to shift it internally. It took a bit, but when I did, I was relieved to be back in the zone. That felt much better, and after our turn in the waterfall, it was easier to get myself to the Casa for the next couple of hours.

When I finally did get to the Casa, I sat on a bench under this enormous tree with large, long, deep green leaves. Shortly after I settled in, I heard the snap  of a yellow leaf fall off the tree, and it landed with a thunk onto my right wrist. That little wrist-slap made me giggle, and I stayed there for a couple of hours.

Later, after dinner with the gang, I wandered over to the local (juice) bar and ran into my new friend, Nigel, who I met while singing my heart up at church services on Sunday. Then I met two guys who just landed from England. One of them, Rajesh, follows a diet like mine and we got right into food-speak. While we were talking, the woman behind the bar mixed up our order (and my change) and the other one, Fabian, cleared it all up in such flawless Portuguese that you could see the shift in the woman behind the bar, as she visibly relaxed and started smiling. We hung out together, for a bit. Rajesh shared some hemp protein with me (he, like me, travels with a suitcase filled with food!), Fabian demonstrated more of his many language skills, speaking, at various times as needed, Spanish, Italian and, of course, English. And that was the evening.

It was all such a blast and I can't get over how openly and easily everyone connects. Maybe it is like this everywhere and I just haven't traveled much.

Tomorrow morning, we can again help to prepare the soup and / or go to the waterfall. It is likely to be our last unstructured day before I return home, as we see John of God again on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

I hope you are having some interactions that make you smile big, with old or new friends, or both, and that you are doing the things that feel right to you!

Love,

Marie

The Sacred Waterfall

I can't believe it is still Sunday! Today was so full. This place has wild coincidences going on all the time. You know the type - you run into exactly the person you need to see at the right time and have the conversation you needed to have - that kind of thing. So, of course, I am totally high on all that.

The waterfall: I LOVED IT!

First off, we had to pack a towel and a bottle of water. I assumed I would be freezing and shivering afterwards, so I added yoga pants and a warm jacket. Cameras aren't permitted.

Our group of 17, plus group leader, took a taxi as far down the trail as it could drive, then walked in silence the rest of the way. The forest (if that's what this is) is beautiful, even in the dry season. 

When we reached the waterfall, we formed a line to go in. We were instructed to remember our intentions for clearing, stay in the water for at least 30 seconds, make sure that we got totally wet, etc. Being fifth in line, I thought it would be good to watch everyone else to make sure that I didn't forget any of the steps. Not that you could see someone remembering their intentions....

I watched the first man go into the water and it suddenly felt like I was watching something intensely personal, so I tried not to watch the others. Still, watching him gave me this strong feeling that I could do this, that it would be okay, regardless of the water temperature or anything else.

I tried to focus on the beauty of the place, and sear the image of the waterfall into my mind without watching my friends.

While we were each under the waterfall, our group leader was clearing alot of energy out of there with her hands, too.

When it was my turn, I decided to go barefoot - they have a wooden railing to hold so you don't slip on the rocks. 

Right before I went under, I thought about Bugs Bunny and how I always wanted to do this, and that made me so happy. Then I thought about what I wanted to clear from my being. Focus. Focus.

The water wasn't as icy cold as I expected. It was cold, for sure, but bearable, and there was more water pressure than I get in my shower! I went under once and got fully wet. I stepped back, and decided to do it one more time, so stepped into the flowing water one more time, as if it were my first, remembering one big specific thing I wanted to clear, feeling the water on my skin and pulsating through my muscles and my being, then slowly stepped out. 

It was all totally amazing.

As we walked away, she instructed us to make sure we filled up with gold light and say a prayer of thanks. After that, I thought, I am SO coming back here! Turns out, we are allowed to go two more times this week, so I'm thrilled about that. Plus my skin and hair felt great from the waterfall, too. And I never needed those warm clothes.

We all hung out the rest of the afternoon. I went to the Casa to read and meditate (and nap). The waterfall definitely had an effect on me - kind of quieting, and expansive. I kept smelling this soft scent of flowers, which was really lovely.  

We all had dinner together and talked about books and interesting life happenings and metaphysical stuff. Some of us watched a little film (on John of God) that someone brought. And suddenly, it was 10 p.m.!

Sending lots of love to you from here in Brazil,

Marie

Day off

Today was our day off, meaning we didn't have anything formally scheduled for our group. So, we got juice, meandered up and down the road in our little town, and went to the Casa to meditate and pray. We compared orb photos and one of the guys got a couple of photos of this green orb. It was in front of some blades of grass and tree trunks, and through the orb, the colors of the grass and everything behind it were intensified. It was a funky shape, with a light shade of green in the center, a deeper green around the edges, and the outside rim was a darker green (almost brownish). Very cool.

It inspired all of us to go orb-hunting again today. We must have looked like crazy tourists, taking photos of "nothing" but we did that for over an hour!

Also, John of God was out and about today. Some folks ran into him in the crystal shop. Others saw him on the street, chatting with people before getting into his little SUV. I didn't see him myself, but it feels like a rock star was in our midst. Or at least, it feels a bit out of context.

Tomorrow, we go to the waterfall. I'm pretty excited about this part! When I was little, there was a Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs would take a shower in a waterfall. Every since then,  I have wanted to do this! So I'm thrilled.

In preparation, we need to consider the things we carry that keep us from being close to God and / or from being happy. I'm feeling pretty good, so it is hard to come up with that list, but I don't want to miss an opportunity to shed some unnecessary baggage so will give it some thought. 

As it is always easier to see the areas where others can improve than it is to see our own, please feel free to send along anything that comes to mind, that you notice that I do or carry that no longer serves me or gets in the way! But do it before 10:15 on Sunday. :-)

Have a really wonderful weekend! It is hard to believe that I am here for another week.

Love,

Marie