Thursday, May 28, 2009

Choosing my son's poetry over starting radiation

Thank you so much for your notes and support. I haven't had a chance to write -- I find that, this time around, I am trying to stay more focused on my life and make the treatments more of a side thing, at least as much as I can. They do kind of take over.

Like today -- they wanted to schedule the set-up for my radiation for tomorrow (Thursday) morning. I appreciated getting it all overwith. At the same time, we are having this breakfast at Aidan's school, and he is reading a poem, and I didn't want to miss it. I did wonder, am I trading this one poem for a chance at a longer life? But the doctor said that if that were my son, he would go to the school and do this appt next week. It pushes back my chemo by a week, which I don't like, but I do want to make things as normal as possible for the kids. And me. I would hate to miss his poetry reading!

So far this week -- I met with the surgeon, who tried to get a biopsy. But, she couldn't find the tumor to biopsy it. I'm not convinced that it just disappeared, and neither are they, so I'm up for another try for a biopsy on Monday. These are not fun!

Today, I met with my oncologist and my radiologist oncologist for over an hour to talk about my treatment plan. So that was useful.

MRI on Friday!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

More tests

I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you sooner -- things have been crazy and I've just been getting used to all the news. Plus, my hip is hurting like crazy from my bone marrow biopsy, but more on that to follow.

Let's see....there is good news and there is "could be worse" news.

The good news is that it isn't pancreatic or any of the other scary cancers that were possible. Yay!

I guess that is also the "could be worse" news. There is a local recurrence (meaning, same place as last time), and it is treatable. Now that the dust has settled, I'm wondering why we only found it now; why, if it wasn't there before then why it grew so much in three months; and other scary things. I'm trying not to go there -- from what I've discerned, we don't know enough about cancer to know.

BUT, we do have a path forward. My week is filled with tests. Last Friday after the diagnosis, I had a bone marrow biopsy to see why my white count remains low. Not fun, but bearable.

Today (at 9 am after the holiday weekend), I had an appointment with the surgeon. She was supposed to biopsy this thing (it looks like 3 centimeters) by going in the out door (so to speak) but couldn't find it. Not the most fun way to spend my morning! The good news, though, is that the location of the tumor looks high enough in my colon that I hopefully will not need a bag after surgery.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my oncologist and the radiation oncologist. And on Friday, I have an MRI.

Funny story: I was supposed to have the MRI on my birthday. When I heard that, I thought, not my first choice, but okay. Then they said, "Do you need an anal probe?" and I thought, they have got to come up with a better idea for a birthday gift. Thankfully, I don't need an anal probe after all.

Back on topic: After all these tests, assuming that all is as suspected, I will! have six weeks of combined chemo and radiation. The chemo this time will be wearing the bag for five days a week, and I won't sit in the hospital for that other part of chemo. I'll go into the hospital every day for radiation. This is all to shrink the tumor.

Then I have six weeks off, for the chemo to continue to work and for my body to get strong for surgery. Then I have surgery to remove the tumor. While I am open, they will irradiate the area to basically kill every living cell in that part of my body.

I think that is it!

I'm a bit bummed about wearing that bag during the summer, I have to say, and am trying to stay focused on the fact that I can and don't need to be in the hospital to get chemo instead.

On Friday, a truck got stuck in front of our house, blocking our driveway. We couldn't get out for my doctor appointment so we borrowed my in-laws' car. After we got to the hospital, I ran into my oncologist before my appointment, and I saw in her eyes that the news wasn't great.

I supposed that, if they didn't find anything, I would still be worried, so maybe this is good!

Argh.

Love, Marie

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

After the PET CT

Thank you so much for the great vibes! I did the whole PET CT routine myself and I think I did okay! I kept picturing a friend in the chair next to me, and that made me smile. But I'm glad you weren't there. Though the official line on the radiation I got is that it is okay to be around the general public, the nurse, unprompted, told me that her off-the-record opinion is that I should stay away from people as much as possible for 20 hours. So I am.

Because I am a hard stick, I arrived early to get an IV nurse. She did this really cool thing to try and find a vein -- instead of the rubber tourniquet, they used a blood pressure cuff and found a vein, in my arm, that I don't think anyone's stuck before. And did it, first try. That nurse was awesome.

The radioactive stuff that they injected into my veins came in this metal case with extra padding inside to protect whomever is carrying it. Lovely thought. No wonder my veins rebel. They probably wonder what toxic chemical is coming next.

The people were really nice, and the test went smoothly.

After the whole thing, I went to Whole Foods to get big bottles of water and some organic greens to balance out the whole experience.

Results are in on Friday! We are visualizing randomly fluctuating cea levels for no apparent reason.

Love to you all,
Marie

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Moderately high CEA

I'm bumming out.

One of my lovely oncologists called today. Sigh. My first impulse is to hope for good news, but, thankfully, my doctors get quickly to the point and I don't have to hope for long. My CEA is moderately high at 5.7.

CEA levels are tested through a blood test, and I didn't pay much attention to this number in the past. Thank goodness for Google; I learned that normal for a non-smoker is < 2.5 ng/ml (don't know what ng stands for). My doctors feel anything below 3.4 is good.

My white counts have gone low again, too.

I hung up the phone and cried.

Then, life continues. The phone rang again. I thought it was the doctor with more news. But, it was a friend. We hadn't talked in awhile and she was on her way to pick up her kids, with a few minutes to spare. When she innocently asked how I was doing, I burst into tears again. But I have to admit, it felt so good to talk with her. I am grateful that she acted on her inspiration to call me at that moment. It was just what I needed.

Connecting with Susan gave me energy to take the boys and do some retail therapy at Winston's Flowers. A few containers, plants, and flowers later, I felt a bit vindicated. The boys had a great time playing in the water fountains and were soaked through. They wanted to ride home naked. Fine with me.

When I drove up to the dock to load my purchases into the car, the saleswoman marveled at my calm. If only she knew.

I'm getting re-tested next week and hoping this is all just a fire drill.

Monday, May 4, 2009

CEA levels higher

Once again, a call directly from a doctor. Sigh. My first thought is to hope for good news, but, thankfully, my doctors get quickly to the point and I don't have to hope for long. My CEA is moderately high at 5.7.

CEA levels are tested through a blood test, and I didn't pay much attention to this number in the past. Thank goodness for Google, I learned that normal for a non-smoker is < 2.5 ng/ml (don't know what ng stands for).

I'm getting re-tested next week and hoping this is all just a fire drill.